


Wish for the Radiant Glory

by Emma_Trevelyan



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, CW: Abuse Mentions, Canon Compliant, Found Family, Gen, Kujo Ryuu, Nanase Tenn - Freeform, Recovery, Spoilers, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emma_Trevelyan/pseuds/Emma_Trevelyan
Summary: On the night TRIGGER was born, Nanase Tenn and Yaotome Gaku met their center: Kujou Ryunosuke. He was an extraordinary, but oddly quiet young man, whose presence on stage belied the mysterious person just beneath. Who is Kujou Ryuu, exactly? Is he the sexy, aggressively-masculine supernova with almost slavish devotion to his fans, or is he the gentle man they've only seen glimpses of? Why is he the way he is? And can he open up enough to bring TRIGGER to the heights they're capable of?
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	1. Diamond Fusion

**Author's Note:**

> This is a character exercise that got massively out of control: an AU where Kujou adopted Ryuu instead of Tenn. Please enjoy and feel free to leave feedback. Motivate me to finish this, please!! 
> 
> I'm caught up on the game's story, which has blown way past the anime, so be mindful of spoilers 
> 
> Warning: This fic deals with mentions of CSA and the fallout, recovery, and PTSD that results from such abuses. If those topics are triggering for you, then this fic may not be for you. I appreciate your clicks and interest, but please take care of yourself!

The private bar had always meant a lot to Tenn. Ever since that first night two years before, where TRIGGER had truly been born. A small tradition that they allowed themselves to have was a short meeting at that club on the night they met. Not their official anniversary--not according to the public--but the night they truly became TRIGGER. Maybe it was symbolism or destiny or just plain coincidence, but in the two years they’d maintained that tradition, it always snowed. Just a light dusting, turning Tokyo into a sparkling wonderland, all decked out for the holidays. Couples wandered the streets, and despite the chill, a warmth emanated from the city that couldn’t be replicated. 

Tenn and Gaku picked across the snow-dusted sidewalks in careful silence, hunched into their stylish coats with their hats pulled low. They were running a little late, which meant their perpetually-early center would already be there. Waiting. 

“Ryuu’s gonna be mad.” Gaku’s voice was soft and full of good humor. He wasn’t serious, and they both knew it.

“Please. That would require he actually raise his voice at us,” Tenn replied, nudging Gaku in the ribs. “We’re almost there. He’ll understand the snow and crowds.” 

Sure enough, the lights of the club were already on, casting a golden glow onto the sidewalk and the sign indicating closure for a private event. Tenn wouldn’t exactly call three friends--and they  _ were _ friends, no matter what Ryuu said--getting drinks an ‘event,’ per se, but it had been something he had looked forward to for a while. 

Ryuu was already situated behind the bar, his stylish gray sweater rolled to his elbows. It was rare they caught him in an unguarded moment, and at that point, he was still focused on carving the little rabbit apple to garnish Tenn’s highball glass of apple juice. It was a little thing Ryuu had taken to doing for Tenn, and Tenn would never complain. Not when he clearly wanted to do it so much… 

Ryuu’s smile was… glassy. As usual. There was clearly warmth there  _ somewhere _ , but it never came through. Not with them; “You guys are late. I was worried.” 

“Sorry,” Gaku said, removing his coat. “Crowds, plus snow.” 

“Are you mad?” Tenn slid into the bar stool in front of the glass of juice, while Gaku situated near the champagne flutes. 

“Not at all. It’s just us,” Ryuu said. His eyes softened just a touch and a surge of victory coursed through Tenn’s chest, no matter how small. “So, what are we drinking to?” 

“Oi! Don’t ask questions you know the answer to,” Gaku reprimanded, although the gently-teasing tone hadn’t faltered. 

“I’m sure he’s just checking,” Tenn added with a quirked brow. “After all, our feelings haven’t changed since that night.” 

“Of course not.” Gaku lifted his glass. 

“Then,” Ryuu followed Gaku’s lead, “here’s to the night TRIGGER was born.” 

~~~

**2 Years Ago**

“ _ Tenn-nii, I’m super jealous right now! _ ” 

Tenn laughed indulgently at his baby brother’s petulant teasing; “Don’t be too jealous. It’s freezing. I have no idea why this manager couldn’t meet me at a heated cafe or something. At least then I could be having hot cocoa.” 

“ _ Ha ha! You’re just grumpy because you haven’t had your sugar fix today!”  _ Tenn shook his head on a chuckle, even though Riku couldn’t see him. _ “Still, you get to take your first steps towards your dream tonight, while I’m stuck in bed. It’s not fair!”  _

“You’ll get your chance in time, Riku. And I’ll be there to support you every step of the way,” Tenn admonished. “Did the advance from YaoPro come in?” 

“ _ Yeah! Mom was so happy she cried, and Dad did a super embarrassing dance. Pretty sure he wanted to dip one of the nurses.”  _

“That’s good. They deserve it,” Tenn replied softly, a weight he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying lifting from his shoulders. “Just get some rest, Riku. Focus on getting better so you can join me on the stage. I’ll come see you in the morning when visiting hours start.” 

“ _ Tell me how it goes! But I should probably sleep… these meds they have me on make me super drowsy.”  _

“I will, I promise. I’ll bring you that bread you like for breakfast.” Tenn squeezed the phone, wishing he could hug his brother, but at the same time, exhilarated for his next step. “Get some rest, and kiss Mom for me.” 

“ _ Will do. Good luck, Tenn-nii! _ ” 

Tenn breathed out a sigh, watching his breath fog in the chilly Tokyo night. He pulled up his emails to double check on the meeting place for the manager, who was running late… then again, with the advance from his Yaotome Productions contract, he was able to pay for an advanced bronchial treatment for Riku  _ and _ make a significant dent in his parents’ debt. They could keep the nightclub, and Riku could spend his time getting better and stronger instead of stressing himself out about how much his illness burdened his family. A strong sense of pride warmed Tenn from the inside out.  _ He’d _ done that. On his own. And now, he was going to be a superstar. He could feel it. 

He was so caught up in his own sense of accomplishment, he scarcely noticed the sudden fuss in the square, but he  _ did _ notice the man who approached him. He was almost  _ painfully _ beautiful, with movie-star good looks and an intense expression that made Tenn want to stop and savor the moment… 

He hated him immediately. 

“Nanase Tenn?” The man’s voice was deep and rich, like dark chocolate and red wine. Which didn’t really help Tenn’s animosity. “You’re Nanase Tenn, from Yaotome Productions, right?” 

“Yes.” Tenn reverted to formal speech on instinct, drawing on watching his parents with big customers. “I’m Nanase Tenn.” 

“Ah, I knew it.” The man’s face softened into a playful smile, giving Tenn a sense of whiplash and aggravating his bratty little brother instincts. “I’m Yaotome Gaku.” 

_ Yaotome _ … Tenn accepted his handshake ( _ how very American of him _ ) and barely resisted the urge to scowl. Yaotome--the company president who’d welcomed him to the agency--was a prickly professional who’d stared daggers with identical blue-gray eyes to the man standing before him. Was this the Young Master everyone kept talking about? 

They made easy conversation as Yaotome led him down the sidewalk towards the nightlife district. He had this casual ease about him, although there was a bit of a rebellious, bratty streak that Tenn could get behind. He was clearly bothered by the nature of that night’s events, though… 

“Kujo Ryunosuke,” Gaku said with obvious contempt.

“Who now?”

“It annoys me,” Gaku snarled without acknowledging Tenn’s question. “It’s  _ our  _ group, and this Kujo clown comes in with this unknown talent and my old man is falling all over himself to make his pet the center.”

“How petulant,” Tenn retorted, smirking up through his long lashes. “Next you tell me you’ll quit if you don’t like him.” 

“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t.” Yaotome jammed his hands into his pockets, just shy of pouting. Tenn logged it away for later and vowed to give Yaotome shit for that look on his face. “Listen, I want this new group to work as well as any of you, but if he got in on dirty money and a pretty face, then I’m out. I won’t deal with that drama.”

Tenn fought the initial panic--he  _ had _ to pay back YaoPro’s advance, or his family would be even worse off than before--but something told him this Yaotome character wasn’t a total idiot. Despite being brash, if this Kujo Ryunosuke wound up being as good as the hype implied, he was sure they would be just fine. 

_ Besides, I’m talented enough to be placed with another group in the company. No problem.  _

Still, he  _ had  _ to give Yaotome shit for it; “How very ‘young master’ of you. Your new toy isn’t to your liking, so you storm off in a huff, is that it?” 

“Oi…” Yaotome scowled out the corners of his eyes, but Tenn didn’t let him finish. 

“I didn’t realize the sexy, talented son of the company was so unbearable to work with! What happens if his hair clashes with mine? Shall you make him dye it to fit the group’s aesthetic?” 

Yaotome wanted to take the bait, but clearly they’d arrived at their destination--a small, windowless club with a golden glow tossed out over the sidewalk. He scowled at Tenn’s victorious, fox-like grin; “You’re kind of a brat, aren’t you?” 

“Well, I’m 16. It’s in my nature.” Tenn shrugged and sauntered down the steps, reckless and two at a time. 

“Haa!? Holy shit, I almost had a fist fight with an actual infant? What are you doing out of bed, it’s like, 9:30!?” 

“Shut it, pretty boy,” Tenn growled, resisting the urge to kick Yao--Gaku… bastard didn’t deserve the respect of a surname--straight in the shin. “You’re lucky I’m banking on needing you at dance practices, or you’d be down a kneecap, old man.” 

“So which is it?” Gaku shot back, following Tenn down the stairs. “Pretty boy, or old man?” 

“Both, you beautiful bastard!” 

“Ah, ah, language young man!” 

“Oh, stick a jock strap in it,” Tenn snarled, unwinding his scarf from his neck in the sudden warmth. “Where’s this Kujo guy?” 

“If you’re referring to your center, that would be me.” 

Tenn was taken aback, unsure what he was expecting when he walked into that bar that night, but it was not the tall, gentle-looking man standing in the center of the room. It wasn’t the warmth radiating from him in everything from his skin tone to the color of his eyes to the slant of his broad shoulders. It wasn’t the stylishly-messy brown hair, or the whiskey gold eyes, or the rich voice, or the way his body narrowed to an impossibly trim waist from an equally improbable chest.

“Whoa…” Tenn bit his lip. He was… beautiful. But… in a shockingly normal way. Like a perfectly normal, perfectly average 20-something guy one might see in a stylish bar like the one they were in. Despite that, though, there was a strangely haunted look in his eyes. One that set Tenn’s teeth on edge.

Thankfully, their new center seemed to ignore Tenn’s outburst. He dipped into a smooth bow; “Nice to meet you. I am Kujo Ryunosuke. I hope to serve well as your center. Please, treat me kindly.” 

_ So formal _ … the politeness was almost eerie. But he had the inherent grace of a talented dancer, and the smooth cadence of a singer. He accepted Tenn and Gaku’s introductions with practiced ease of a seasoned professional, his smile as gray and glassy as the empty windows of a shuttered shop. As far as Tenn was concerned, there was absolutely nothing wrong with their center. But then, there was nothing overly special about him either. He stared at them impassively, held himself impassively, even spoke impassively. He didn’t initiate any sort of conversation beyond his introduction. He didn’t even look overly happy to be there… 

Gaku took offense; “Is that all you have to say?” 

“It’s how it’s done,” Ryunosuke responded, his speech flat, smooth and calculated with no discernible accent or flavor. “We are to be coworkers and business partners.” 

“So you don’t care who we are as people?” It was probably a bit much, to pick a fight within 30 seconds of meeting their new bandmates, but at that point Gaku was as stubborn as a dog with a bone. “This isn’t just our future, it’s yours! If we fail, you fail. Does that matter to you?” 

“If we fail, then Kujo-san will be upset, but he will find something new for me,” Ryunosuke said, avoiding eye contact. “It’s how it’s done. I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you.” 

“Why are you apologizing?” Gaku was so pale, it was easy to see the blood rush to his face in anger. His voice was steadily climbing, and Ryunosuke was steadily shrinking in on himself. “You didn’t do anything!  _ I’m  _ the one yelling!  _ I’m  _ the one losing my temper! That doesn’t bother you?” 

“Kujo-san said there would be friction, considering I was assigned as your center,” Ryunosuke shrugged, an aborted movement that was at odds with his natural grace, “but I am determined to make this work. It is… not ideal that you’re this upset. But I’ll do what I can so I won’t let you down.” 

That seemed to let some wind out of Gaku’s sails, but clearly not all of it. Tenn could only watch in mute horror as Gaku puffed up like a perturbed cat and backed Ryunosuke into the bar; “Why are you talking like that? Why aren’t you  _ saying _ anything? Get mad at me for getting in your face! Threaten to throw a punch! Show me you’re more than… this!” 

“I’m sorry.” Ryunosuke stared somewhere over Gaku’s shoulder, away from Tenn’s eyeline. “This is… how it’s done.” 

Gaku seized a fistful of Ryunosuke’s soft sweater in sudden anger; “Stop saying that!” 

Tenn wasn’t sure if it was Gaku’s sudden increase in volume or the way Ryunosuke’s eyes widened with fear at the unexpected rough touch, but whatever it was snapped him into action. He surged forward, wrapping his arms around Gaku’s free arm and tugging  _ hard _ . 

“Stop shouting, you actual buffoon!” Tenn didn’t like the look on Ryuu’s face, how he could see the whites of his eyes all the way around his iris, or the way his pulse visibly fluttered like a panicked bird at the base of his throat. “Sorry about that, Kujo-san. He’s not properly socialized yet. I told his handler we should have tried the dog park first.” 

Distracted from accosting their center, Gaku rounded on Tenn with an affronted noise, but Tenn ignored him. Ryunousuke was massaging his chest behind where Gaku had grabbed him. “It’s quite alright, Nanase-san. People tend to… not like me very much. It’s normal.” 

Tenn didn’t like that. He didn’t like that at all. But they were there to meet their center, to see how their group meshed, and whether he liked it or not his future hung in the balance in that little room. So he had to make peace. 

“Well, I’m sure I’ll like you. You seem nice so far. A very soothing presence… like a big brother.” 

Unexpectedly, Ryunosuke softened at that; “Th-thank you, Nanase-san.” 

“Call me Tenn. Call this oaf Gaku. He doesn’t deserve honorifics until he’s housebroken.” 

There was a ghost of a laugh, and for the first time, Ryunosuke looked him in the eye; “Alright then… Tenn. Gaku. You can both call me Ryunosuke, or… or Ryuu. If you like.” 

“I like that better than Kujo-san,” Gaku muttered, still crossing his arms like an affronted child.

“So step one towards getting to know each other: complete,” Tenn said, “and now, step two?” 

“Well…” Ryuu rubbed at the back of his head shyly, a rusty motion that spoke of a habit that was well loved and familiar but long broken. “My… my dad. He always said that if you wanted to know someone, you drink and dance together. Maybe we should try that.” 

Gaku huffed a breath of laughter, earlier tension all but gone from his frame and voice; “You should have led with that. Your dad seems like a very wise and interesting man.” 

Ryuu actually looked like he might crack a smile, which was brittle but unbearably warm; “You’d probably like him. He also greeted people by threatening to punch them in the face.”

“Hey! That’s what I was looking for!” Gaku slapped Ryuu’s shoulder, completely missing the way Ryuu stiffened fearfully at the sudden touch. 

“I can’t believe you made me be the adult,” Tenn murmured, kicking playfully at Gaku’s rear end, oblivious to Ryuu’s newfound tension. 

Ryuu had already disappeared behind the bar, inspecting whiskey bottles; “How old are you two? I'm 21.” 

“20.”

“16.” 

“God, I can’t believe you’re a literal actual child,” Gaku pinched the bridge of his nose and slid into a barstool. 

“Well then,” Ryuu pulled a carton of apple juice from the fridge under the counter. “Sazerac for Gaku and I. Apple juice for Tenn.” 

“How exactly am I supposed to get drunk and dance on apple juice?” Tenn quirked his brow playfully. It was the longest Ryuu had spoken so far without compulsively apologizing so that was… something. 

Even better, Ryuu laughed gently--almost _ warmly _ \--at that, tentatively reaching out to pet Tenn’s head, a touch he leaned into like a spoiled cat; “I suppose you’ll just have to pretend, Tenn-kun.” 

That first touch should have told him that there was more to their timid center than meets the eye. Tenn thought Ryuu’s presence was, at best, muted. He thought he was prepared for whatever that man had to bring to the table. Tenn was graceful and well trained, Gaku was sensual and controlled, where Ryuu… 

Ryuu was amazing. 

The music was perfectly suited to his aggressively masculine, powerful style. He had everything--presence, flexibility, strength, and emotionality. Whatever Ryuu wasn’t expressing in his heart came out in his dance. He tied Tenn and Gaku’s disparate dance styles together, connecting the dots between Tenn’s delicate grace and Gaku’s sensuality. He lit up on stage, even if it was a shitty karaoke stage in the middle of a trendy bar. 

And then, he brought his big hand down to the wood with a deafening, echoing  _ slam _ … and energy rolled off his frame. His face lit up in a smile so huge and warm it shone brighter than any spotlight. He was truly magnificent in every sense. He spurred Tenn and Gaku into action, dragged them along behind him, and they couldn’t help but fall into his gravitational pull. They fell into perfect sync. Perfect unity. Tenn looked at Gaku out of the corner of his eye, and in that little bit of eye contact, he knew…  _ he knew _ … 

This was his group. And Ryuu was their center. 

When they collapsed onto the stage, panting and drenched, a foreign sound filled their ears. Ryuu was… actually  _ laughing _ ; “Ha! I always thought that Tokyo winters were cold. And yet, here I am, soaked with sweat!” 

His smile was wide and warm and genuine, his eyes lit up like summer and light and life. It was hard not to feel like he’d do anything to never let that smile die… Ryuu could potentially be too powerful for his own good; he was barely the same person he’d been when Tenn and Gaku had walked through the front door. 

But all it took was a pointed look from Gaku, and Tenn knew: something had happened to Ryuu to lock that beautiful person away. And they had to protect him at all costs. 


	2. Secret Night

“Tenn-nii you guys were amazing!” 

Gaku watched the two brothers embrace enthusiastically, going through the motions of some sort of complicated handshake while Riku gushed about the show. A pretty blonde girl stood by the door, keeping careful vigil but giving him enough space to spend a minute with his brother. Gaku would never get over how much Tenn changed when he was around Riku--normally, aside from his single-minded desire to systematically push every single one of Gaku’s buttons, he was a consummate professional. He made it his goal to make everyone around him--from the crew to his fellow idols to guest stars to his fans--smile. He truly was TRIGGER’s angel. 

At least around Riku, he actually let his feral little shit-gremlin side show. 

“You’re going to wrinkle my costume!” Tenn exclaimed, locking Riku into a gentle headlock and ruffling his hair. “And I know we’re amazing! I’m here--of course we’re amazing.” 

“Humble as ever, I see, aren’t you, Tenn-nii. Ah, sorry, Nanase-san.” Riku broke out of the headlock to snap into a low and respectful bow. He dropped his voice and tightened his speech patterns enough that, if not for the smirk on his face and the teasing tone he took, he might have sounded like a respectful kouhai. Almost. “A pleasure to meet you, Nanase Tenn of TRIGGER. Please treat me kindly, senpai.” 

“You know, I could get used to that level of respect from you.” Tenn jabbed his brother in the side gently, a move mostly cushioned by Riku’s thick sweatshirt. “You best treat your senpai with the utmost--  _ oof! _ ” 

Riku tackled Tenn around the middle, and their scuffle got serious enough the pretty blond girl had to step in to break it up. They may have been in a Green Room but there really wasn’t enough room to rough house without someone getting hurt. Gaku laughed under his breath, turning to Ryuu to make color commentary, except… 

Ryuu was normally quiet. It wasn’t uncommon for him to fade into the background once he no longer had eyes on him. He was either absorbed in whatever work he was doing or staring at the wall, which… seemed odd. He rarely looked at his smartphone except to check his SNS feed or answer emails. At that moment, though, he was staring at Riku and Tenn, his eyes sad and his posture stiff. There was a strange longing, a look Ryuu never wore. He never wanted for anything, didn’t seem to have an opinion on much of anything outside of his perfunctory interview answers. 

But when he looked at Riku and Tenn goofing on the floor, recapping the highs and lows of the live that had just occurred, Ryuu looked like he wanted nothing more than to join them, and that it physically hurt him to watch it unfold. 

“Hey, why don’t we leave them to their fun. We can go get changed,” Gaku suggested, placing his hand on Ryuu’s shoulder. 

As usual, Ryuu shrugged the touch off with a small shiver; “Yeah. Sounds good.” 

Gaku led Ryuu to the smaller room where their street clothes were stored. Ryuu checked his phone first, sighing almost sadly when he saw the empty screen, and started to undress. Methodically and carefully, like he was considering the implications of every action. He didn’t have any visible marks on him, but he still moved like he was in pain. 

And, as always, he was  _ so quiet _ . 

“So,” Gaku began in an effort to break the silence, “Tenn’s little brother.” 

“Yeah,” Ryuu replied, almost fondly. He softened around his eyes, just a bit. “They’re good kids. I hope Nanase-san’s group does well, although if he’s as ill as Tenn says, I don’t think he’ll stand on stage for long.” 

Gaku balked; “You... you think so?” 

Ryuu shrugged as he hopped into his too-tight jeans; “It’s just the reality of the work we do. Able-bodied people fail to stand in spotlights like ours every day. With the additional obstacle… he’s probably wasting his time.” 

“That’s… harsh. Even from you.” Gaku narrowed his eyes. “You don’t seem like yourself. You alright?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Gaku wrapped an arm around Ryuu’s upper arm, ignoring the way he flinched away from the touch; “You’re not. Come on, Ryuu, we’re friends. You can talk to me.” 

“We’re business partners,” Ryuu countered, still tugging to free his arm, but Gaku held fast. “What do you care, anyway?” 

“I care because something’s bothering you, and I care about my bandmates. Sue me.” Gaku scowled, softening his grip enough to let Ryuu tug himself free. Judging by the way his eyes widened, he was about 15 seconds away from a full-blown panic. “Hey, listen… we should get together tonight. As friends at my place. We can invite Tenn.” 

Ryuu stared skeptically, clutching his denim jacket in white fists; “Why?” 

“Because it’s our last night off before we’re on tour for a while. I want to get together with my bandmates and have some fun. Is that so wrong?” 

Ryuu bit his lip, like he was weighing his options; “I don’t know…” 

“Come on, for me?” Gaku threw an arm around Ryuu’s shoulder, ignoring the way he instinctively pulled away. “I’ll be your best friend.”

Ryuu rolled his eyes, almost indulgently; “You’re already the closest thing I have to a best friend.” 

“That’s the spirit! Come on, I’ll even buy you your favorite booze! What’s your poison--classy guy like you, red wine, right? Or whiskey? Champagne?” 

There were times when Gaku felt he really got a glimpse at the real Ryunosuke--the man he was before he became Kujo Ryunosuke. He seemed gentler. Shyer. Younger, even… When he’d grin wide and uninhibited, or work through tricky choreography with a look of determined fervor, or the rare occasion when he would rub shyly at the back of his neck and ask for something insignificantly selfish. 

That was one of those times.

“Ah…” Ryuu stared shyly at his feet, a strangely sad smile lighting up his face. “Awamori. If you can find it.”

That… seemed a weird choice. But Ryuu asked so little of him and Tenn, Gaku knew he would do whatever he could to get that bottle of Awamori. 

~~~

“What’s ‘Truth or Drink?’” Ryuu asked, a flush of alcohol already spreading across his cheeks. They’d only been at it for about an hour, and already Ryuu was about halfway through the massive bottle of Awamori Gaku had acquired for him. 

“Just as it sounds,” Tenn answered. “We ask each other questions, and we either have to answer with the truth, or you drink.” 

“How do you know that?” Gaku balked at their youngest member. “You’re a child!” 

“Ok, that bit is getting old, I  _ will _ be 19 this year you know.” Tenn scowled over the rim of his juice glass. “I just know things. Your phone can be used for more than just Twitter, you know.” 

“Sort of defeats the purpose, considering Tenn has apple juice.” Ryuu had already started on another glass of the Awamori… that was promising. 

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Tenn pressed. “You can even go first.” 

“I don’t even know what I’d ask!” 

Tenn shrugged; “Whatever you want to know about us. Come on, Ryuu.” 

“Ok, um… what… what are your favorite foods?” 

“Really? Have we never told each other that?” Gaku blinked, trying to clear the haze of alcohol. “I know I’ve mentioned in a few interviews that I really like soba.” 

“You literally never shut up about it,” Tenn confirmed. “My favorites are donuts and omurice.” 

“Oh, my god, you’re actually a child,” Gaku cackled. 

“So those,” Ryuu swallowed, his brows furrowing, “are your real answers?”

“Of course! It doesn’t hurt my image if I really like soba, or if Tenn has the tastes of a 6-year-old.” 

“Oi,” Tenn snarled, kicking Gaku under the table. “Anyway, it’s my turn. Hmm… Ryuu. What do you like to do for fun?” 

Predictably, Ryuu shrugged and answered hesitantly, “Singing and dancing. Sometimes acting.” 

“No, like…” Tenn shook his head. “Your hobbies. What you like to do that isn’t included in your job description.” 

For a second, it looked like Ryuu wouldn’t answer. He stared at the milky liquid in his glass, his mouth pulled into a frown despite Gaku’s insistence that it was silly to refuse to answer a question so innocuous. Finally, though, after an overly-long pause, he finally rubbed at his neck with a shy little smile and answered. 

“I’ve always… really liked fishing. I know it’s silly, but--” 

“It’s not silly,” Tenn assured, squeezing his forearm gently. For once, he didn’t immediately pull away. “It’s actually pretty cool. I can’t fish, and neither can my dad, so I didn’t have anyone to teach me.” 

“Your grandad can’t?” Ryuu tilted his head, like the notion that Tenn didn’t know how to fish was incomprehensible. 

“Nah, we’re all city kids at heart,” Tenn said, waving Ryuu off nonchalantly. “Pretty sure both of my grandfathers would be more likely to catch their own ears than any sort of fish, and my brother and dad are both too squeamish to bait hooks. Riku was convinced for a solid year and a half that eggs were, in fact, killing baby chicks and burst into tears at the very sight of an omelette.” 

“Your brother is so cute,” Gaku said, nudging Tenn playfully under the table. “Why couldn’t we have gotten him?” 

“Because his lungs would have fallen out, you monster!” Tenn nudged Gaku back, kicking him more sharply than necessary. “Also you’d still have to deal with me; I would just have absolutely no investment in your health and well-being.” 

“Well,” Ryuu interjected, soft but more animated than they were used to, “if you want… if you want to learn, I can teach you. Next time we have some time off.” 

“You’d do that?” Tenn asked with a bright smile. “Really?” 

“Sure. If… if you wanted, that is.” 

“That sounds fun!” Gaku said. “We can get beer and watch Tenn actually struggle with something for once.” 

“You’re the… actual worst.” 

After that, Ryuu passed on more questions than he answered, but that even had its benefits. The more Ryuu drank, the more he opened up, and the more he opened up, the more they saw a totally different man hidden under the layers and layers of Ryuu’s stringent professionality and stoicism. 

Better still, he literally wouldn’t shut up about who he was before Kujo. 

“My brothers are so cute! Tenn reminds me of them, a little bit,” he exclaimed exuberantly without prompting, leaning heavily into Tenn’s side. 

“Really? You have brothers?” Tenn had to brace himself against the sudden weight of his exuberant bandmate, who was suddenly a lot touchier than they could ever remember him being. 

“Yeah! Three! Koutaro, Soutaro, and Kounosuke! Let’s see…” His face screwed up in intense concentration. “Soutaro would be in high school, which means Kounosuke is in his second year of middle school, and Koutaro is in fifth grade! Wow… Koutaro is in fifth grade. Wow.” 

“When was the last time you saw them?” Gaku asked gently. 

“Oh… God it’s been… about eight or nine years? I left Naha with Kujo-san when I was 15, and I haven’t really been back except for work ever since.” 

“Wow, so Koutaro would have been--” Gaku hissed sympathetically. 

“2. He was 2,” Ryuu finished sadly. “But they’re taken care of. My dad’s debt is cleared, my brothers’ education trust is set up and locked, and they can stay in Okinawa without worries or regrets. I doubt Kouta even remembers me--he was so little he couldn’t even really say my name. He… He called me ‘Ruu.’” 

Tenn swallowed hard, his eyes watering dangerously before he swiped at them with his forearm. Ryuu eased up and flopped backwards into the floor, smiling sadly up at the ceiling. At that point, they’d abandoned all pretenses of the game, and Ryuu was as soft and open as they’d ever seen him.

“Sounds like you really miss Okinawa,” Gaku prompted, attempting to prod for more information. They’d already learned more about Ryuu in that one tipsy night than they had in the two years they’d known him, which… hurt. A lot. But some of the missing pieces were slotting into place, and the bigger picture was coming together. 

“I really do. I want to go back someday. Like, really go back. Not just for work or a show or a tour… but really go back. Eat at  _ Charlie’s _ , go surfing in the cove behind the house, see my brothers, hang out with my friends…” Ryuu grinned at them, a wide and uninhibited thing that lit up his whole face and crinkled the corners of his eyes. “I want to show you guys, too! I think you’d really love it.”

“Yeah?” Tenn teased, nudging Ryuu with his foot. “You wanna introduce us to your dad like we’re your girlfriends? Shall we ask his permission to marry you?” 

“Tenn!” Ryuu had never sounded so affronted, and he snapped into a sitting position so quickly, Gaku wasn’t sure if the flush on his face was from alcohol, embarrassment, the blood rushing to his head, or some combination of the three. “It’s… I mean, I want to… someday, just… you’re my friends! Not my wives…” 

“Multiple wives. How sexy! Ero ero beast strikes again; what will we tell the media?” Tenn’s teasing elicited a few helpless sputtering sounds out of Ryuu before he took mercy and burst into ugly, snorting cackles. He threw his arms around Ryuu’s shoulders, drawing him into a warm hug that Ryuu returned tentatively… which was both new and a relief. “We’re teasing you, Ryuu.”

“Besides, you’d have to actually date a girl--or guy, I can’t judge--in order to get married. Have you even had your first kiss?” Gaku laughed, intending to keep the playful banter up for a bit longer… Ryuu was slowly coming out of his shell, showing the warm and friendly 23-year-old they only caught glimpses of on stage. Gaku didn’t much care for Kujo Ryunosuke at his most guarded, but he really liked this open, silly, loving Ryuu a lot… 

But the mood chilled rapidly as Ryuu took a long pause--longer than necessary for such an innocuous question--before he burst into quiet tears. It happened so quickly, Gaku’s neck hurt from the emotional whiplash, but all of a sudden, Ryuu had buried his face into Tenn’s chest and his broad frame was racked with silent sobs. He was clinging tight, which was odd given his normal touch aversion, but Tenn seemed happy to return the affection. 

“Ryuu, what’s wrong?” Gaku rubbed a soothing circle between Ryuu’s shoulders. 

“I…” Ryuu drew in a shuddering breath. “I have… had my first kiss.” 

Tenn made meaningful eye contact with Gaku, still holding tight to a gently sobbing Ryuu. The puzzle of their center and his many hangups was starting to take shape, despite the massive missing pieces, but they sensed that his reaction to the seemingly innocuous question was a major clue to the bigger picture. 

The question, it seemed, was what it meant. 


	3. Natsu Shiyo ☆ Ze!

“I can’t believe my old man  _ still _ won’t approve a new single,” Gaku snarled, pumping his straw in and out of his frappuccino to distribute his whipped cream evenly. “And with the anniversary party at your Dad’s hotel!” 

“He’s not my dad,” Ryuu corrected tersely. It was hard to read his expression behind his dark, stylish sunglasses. “And I’m sure the President will approve something sooner or later. Worst case scenario, we can pull from our back catalogue.” 

“Yeah, just--” 

“Drop it, Gaku!” 

Ryuu left the table in an uncharacteristic huff, his chair scraping loudly enough against the patio that it drew the attention of other patrons. Despite the heat, the Naha Starbucks was crowded, and TRIGGER hanging out on the patio should have drawn a lot of attention. But the irritation rolling off Ryuu in waves gave them all a nice, wide berth. If not for the fact that Tenn was distinctly worried for their center, he might have been relieved. 

“Tch,” Gaku scoffed, likely in an attempt to disguise how stung he felt about Ryuu snapping at him. “What’s got his panties in a twist?” 

“Cool it with the toxic masculinity, Yaotome,” Tenn sighed, exhausted. “He’s probably just tired.” 

“I thought he  _ liked _ Okinawa!” Gaku crossed his arms petulantly, his mouth turned down in a childish pout. “We’re staying near the ocean and everything.” 

“I don’t think it’s that simple…” Tenn ran his hands through is sweat-soaked hair, adjusting so he was in the shade of their table’s umbrella. “I don’t know why his patience is so strained, though. He’s never been like this before.” 

“At least he isn’t snapping at the few fans who pluck up the courage to talk to him.” Gaku sipped his frappuccino, chewing on the end of the straw in contemplation. “I know he’s normally kind of unapproachable in the wild, but he’s… extra prickly this week.” 

“The heat, maybe?” Tenn swiped at his forehead. “Maybe Kujo-san emailed him, or something.” 

“I don’t know…” Gaku wiped at the condensation gathering on his cup. “I’m nervous. I’ve never seen him like this.” 

“There’s a lot we don’t know.” Tenn squeezed his tea cup so hard the cap popped. 

“Well, nothing to be done about it. We just… have to deal. Be supportive, if we can. Ugh,” Gaku ran his hands through his hair. “Maybe I should get him to drink with me tonight. Get him to loosen up a bit.” 

Tenn thought of the last time Ryuu and Gaku had had more than a quick drink after work together. About how Ryuu had passed out against Tenn’s chest, clinging to him like a lifeline. His face--young and soft and vulnerable in dreamless sleep--had deep, dark circles under his eyes and a pallor that suggested he was stressed. Pushing himself too hard. He’d made a distressed sound when Tenn pulled away, clearly aching for touch, which was out of character for the Ryuu they knew. He slept like a sack of bricks as Tenn had quietly let himself out.

And then, according to Gaku, Ryuu had woken in the middle of the night, screaming in blind, bloody terror. 

“I don’t… think that’s a good idea,” Tenn said, shaking the ice in his cup. There wasn’t much left. “Maybe we can have Ryuu show us some of his favorite spots on the island, or something.” 

“Yeah, what did he say last time? He wanted to eat at  _ Charlie’s _ ? I could go for some enchiladas tonight.” 

“And maybe we can take him to the beach. He… he always seems so at ease when he looks at the ocean.” 

“What’re you guys talking about?” Ryuu had come back, still hidden behind his sunglasses, but he appeared to be calmer. “Anything fun?” 

“Not really,” Gaku said, cutting off Tenn’s answer. “Feel better? You were a little… tense.” 

“Yeah, just… stressed. The anniversary party and the new single and Kujo-san is planning on coming back into Japan pretty soon. I just got an email from him last night.” 

There was a strange look on his face, but mostly, Ryuu just looked tired. Tenn took it as his cue that they were leaving and followed Gaku back to the rented Jeep. Something settled in his chest when Ryuu let him loop their arms together, bracing Ryuu’s weight against his. Slowly, little by little over the course of two years, Ryuu got more comfortable with letting Tenn and Gaku touch him, even if he sometimes still shrugged them off. Tenn let him sit on the ocean-side of the car. The sight of him absorbing the sea air was kind of heart-breaking. He gazed at the Okinawa coastline--with tourists frolicking along the sandy beaches, locals walking their dogs, guys their age riding jet skis and surfboards in the waves, women sunbathing or shopping in the local stalls--like he would never see it again. There was such an intense longing in the way he looked at his homeland, in front of the sky and sea that raised him… 

The center of town where they’d been catching some relaxation time and their drinks was not a long drive from their magnificent hotel. Tenn was overwhelmed by its size and scale, and it was right on the beach. He seemed to recall Ryuu making comments about his brothers’ ‘education trusts’ and his dad’s debts, but that didn’t seem right. Not if his mother remarried into that kind of money.

Unfairly, Tenn had to wonder what kind of mother let her son sell himself to take care of  _ her _ children. But he didn’t know their situation. He didn’t know what kind of offer Kujo-san had made. Had Kujo darkened his own doorway instead of Ryuu’s, what kind of decisions would he have made? What kind of person would he be? 

The first thing Tenn noticed in the lobby was the fact that Riku’s group--Idolish7?--were congregating around a set of tables, watching Ryuu’s  _ Thunder Dry _ commercial with rapt attention. The president marketed Ryuu’s sexuality almost aggressively, and given the looks he received from the various women scattered about, it was successful. However, he’d never once been approached, unlike Tenn and Gaku who got stopped often. It must have been that untouchable aura that radiated off of him. 

The owner of the hotel--Ryuu’s stepfather--was waiting at the desk for Ryuu’s arrival. He was a shrewd, dark man with harshly slanted eyes and a slim build. He greeted Ryuu as a business associate, going so far as to shake his hand. It made sense--this was business, after all, and Ryuu was their center and leader. Tenn snuck around the group, trying to avoid Riku’s eyes (he’d text him later, maybe they could check out this  _ Charlie’s  _ place together with Ryuu and Gaku) to eavesdrop on the conversation. 

“My manager will contact you later about a meeting time,” Ryuu said quietly. He carried himself like a business professional… it was a little eerie. He was almost… cold. “My apologies, Yoshida-san, for failing to deliver a new song in a timely fashion.” 

Yoshida-san gave Ryuu a searching look, and he stumbled like he was looking for the right words; “It’s quite alright, Ryunosuke… er… Tsunashi-san.” 

_ Tsunashi-san? _

“Kujo-san,” Ryuu corrected with a harsh, cutting tone. 

“Right…” Was it Tenn’s imagination, or did Yoshida-san look… sad. “Kujo-san. We're honored to have TRIGGER performing for us at our anniversary party. I can speak to the planners about a change to the itinerary.” 

“Thank you very much.” A muscle twitched in Ryuu’s jaw, a solid tell that he wanted  _ out _ of the conversation. “You have my number, and if I cannot be reached, then you may contact my manager directly. Do you have her business card?” 

“I do…” Yoshida-san made an aborted movement, like he might want to reach out and grab Ryuu’s shoulder, but he seemed to think better of it at the last moment. “While you’re here, though, I think you should see your mother.” 

Ryuu’s expression darkened, and Tenn could almost see him draw in on himself; “She isn’t my mother anymore. I was removed from the  _ koseki _ years ago.” 

“You know it would break her heart to hear you say that. She just wants to see you, maybe have dinner with you. You know she feels awful about what happened, and I--” 

“I would be happy to have dinner with you and your wife while I’m on this trip, Yoshida-san,” Ryuu cut him off with borderline-rudeness that would make Anesagi flinch herself inside-out. “However, you must pardon me. I have had a very long day, and the summer sun seems to have gotten to me. Please excuse me.” 

Ryuu snapped into a formal bow before striding away. Yoshida-san called after him, reaching for him, even raising his voice to be heard over the ambient noise of the lobby… that was a mistake. 

“Ryuu-nii?” 

The small voice made everyone who heard it freeze. Yoshida-san. Tenn. The tension made everyone in earshot go frighteningly still. Ryuu paled so dramatically, for a second Tenn feared he’d actually vomit. He’d removed his sunglasses, tucking them into his shirt for his conversation with Yoshida-san, and it was easy to see his eyes go wide with unmasked horror and pain. 

The boy staring Ryuu down with wide eyes and an earnest, half-hopeful smile was probably 13 or 14 at most. He was tall, with familiar golden eyes and a thatch of light brown, messy hair on top of his head. He looked at Ryuu with such open admiration, despite the fact that they hadn’t seen each other in almost a decade. 

“Kou-kounosuke?” Ryuu choked on the name, like it was a foreign object. He looked at his little brother with a look caught between awe and anguish. 

“Ryuu-nii! I can’t…” Kounosuke took a step towards him, which only forced Ryuu to take a step back. “I can’t believe… it’s you! We missed you!” 

Kounosuke’s soft, genuine expression of affection might as well have been a slap across the face, for how Ryuu reacted. He flinched away from his brother like he was poised to attack, and Ryuu’s fight-or-flight instinct was on high alert. And clearly, set to ‘ _ flight _ .’ 

“Kounosuke, ah… Tsunashi-kun, I apologize…” If the surname didn’t hurt, the honorific certainly did, given the way the younger boy wilted like a flower in a frost. “I apologize, I…” 

Ryuu couldn’t get the words out. Instead, in a move wholly uncharacteristic of him, he turned on his heel and physically  _ ran _ to the elevator. His long legs carried him away in loping, panicked strides. Kounosuke called after him frantically, which only drew the attention of two other young boys, each with identical gold eyes and messy brown hair. 

_ Ryuu’s brothers _ … 

“Oi! Ryuu!” Gaku was yanked out of a conversation with Idolish7’s manager by Ryuu’s frantic flight, and with a sheepish apology he chased after him. 

“Tenn-nii!” Riku stopped him as he attempted to give his own chase. “Tenn-nii, what happened!?” 

“Later, Riku, I promise,” Tenn said, squeezing his brother’s hands. For some reason, he needed that reassurance. “I’ll text you my room number later. Bring some friends, we’ll have dinner, yeah?” 

“S-sure… is everything OK?” 

“I… I don’t know. But I have to go.” 

He scrambled down the hallway, hoping Ryuu was going for his normal bank of elevators. Tenn wasn’t much for running--he tried to avoid any sort of exertion aside from dancing, if he could--but something chased at his heels and spurred him on. Forced him to run after his bandmate. Thankfully, he caught up to them before the elevator closed on them. 

In the quiet, it was hard to ignore Ryuu crouched in the corner, his arms wrapped pathetically around his knees. He was doing that soft, gasping sobbing he tended to do… Ryuu didn’t  _ cry _ . Not like others did. He held everything inside until it just came leaking out beyond his control. And it seemed the encounter in the lobby was enough to push him over the edge. 

“Ryuu…” Gaku’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle. “Was that--”

“He was so tall.” Ryuu’s muffled voice, thick with tears, cut Gaku off as surely as a scream. “He was so tall, and so big… he… he looks like… he looks like Dad. He grew up, and I missed it…” 

“Ryuu…” Tenn rubbed a soothing circle on his back, unable to come up with the right words. What did he even say to Ryuu to make this better?

“He’s going to be so mad at me…” Ryuu’s voice dropped from a sob to a half-hearted whimper. 

“Kounosuke?” Gaku asked. “I’m sure he’ll--” 

“No.” Ryuu finally lifted his face from his knees with the signal that they’d reached their floor. “No… Kujo-san. He’s… he’ll be so mad.” 

They never did manage to get it out of him what that meant. By the time they got him back to his room, Ryuu was so emotionally wrung out and drained, he basically passed out on the couch as soon as he was horizontal. Seeing as there was no way they were getting him into his bed, Tenn and Gaku just left him, letting the TV run at a low volume before letting themselves out. Background noise always seemed to soothe him.

“Do you think he was stressed about seeing his brothers?” Tenn asked, putting the do-not-disturb sticker on Ryuu’s door. Hopefully, he would get some much-needed sleep, or his eye bags would be beyond the capability of any concealer. 

“Probably.” Gaku sagged, looking so, so tired under the sickly, yellow lights. “I wish he’d talk to us. He doesn’t… he doesn’t have to do this alone.” 

_ Maybe he does.  _ The thought had crossed Tenn’s mind a few times. At first he’d been convinced that Ryuu’s standoffishness came from snobbishness or elitism, considering his training. The finest vocal coaches, the finest dance instructors. Gaku and Tenn, even with their talent and training, couldn’t compare. But… maybe there was more to it than that. 

Maybe Ryuu held Gaku and Tenn at arm’s length for protection… the question, however, was whether it was for their protection or his.


	4. Reprise feat. Idolish7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience! I put this down for a bit but I'm back to working on it!   
> Brief warning for mention of a panic attack towards the end

President Yaotome’s office was a little on the warm side, and Ryuu was still bundled into his stylish layers, as per usual. His expression was neutral as he read through their new single, unconsciously tapping out a beat on his thigh. Tenn could already see the wheels turning behind his eyes; he was already putting choreography to the music in his head, making small changes and tweaks to his parts for his voice… Gaku was actually smiling as he read the lyrics to himself. 

It was like the incident in Okinawa never happened. It was like Tenn  _ didn’t _ witness Ryuu having a complete meltdown. Now they were back in Tokyo, reading through a song that was decidedly un-TRIGGER-like, asking Hyuga and the president and Anesagi about cross-promotions and MV filming and contests like everything was normal. 

Tenn felt a bit like he was in the Twilight Zone. 

Hyuga insisted that he’d written the piece, and that of course it was for TRIGGER. It was just a stylistic difference, perfect for summer. Gaku seemed enthusiastic, and even Ryuu wanted to do the piece… they were  _ excited _ , and after the week they’d just had, TRIGGER needed some excitement. 

But something didn’t sit right with him. It was  _ so _ different from Hyuga’s style,  _ so _ outside of TRIGGER’s normal wheelhouse… Tenn had a feeling. A feeling that wasn’t helped when Tenn got a text that afternoon that Riku was back from Okinawa, but their office had been broken into. This was Music Festa and the broken inhaler all over again. 

Anxiety sat heavy in Tenn’s stomach as he followed Ryuu and Gaku mechanically to their daily dance practice. 

~~~

Nanase-san was having himself a little drum show with his cutlery, and it was driving Iori up the wall. It was  _ just _ lunch with his precious brother; it shouldn’t have made him so anxious. Iori was ready to yank the fork and spoon out of Nanase-san’s hands and chuck them across the restaurant, public propriety be damned. He only didn’t because if it showed up on social media that Izumi Iori had been caught throwing knives at hapless waitresses, Nii-san would be very disappointed.

Still, Iori had had enough, and the poor water glass was probably at its wits end; “Nanase-san,  _ please _ …” 

To his credit, Nanase-san put his flatware down, but the forlorn expression on his face would probably turn back the tides if he asked nicely… maybe included a little lip wobble. ( _ Nope. Too powerful…)  _

“Sorry,” he said softly. “Tenn-nii just sounded so sad on the phone, and the whole thing with our debut single…” 

“Are you going to tell him?” Iori hoped he wouldn’t. It would only complicate matters, and probably give TRIGGER too much information on Takanashi’s inner-workings. 

Then again, Nanase Tenn spent more time than was probably healthy at Idolish7’s dorm house. According to Nanase-san, Tenn lived in a tiny apartment above a bar in Koenji and had to get out often lest the stir-crazy-demons (his words, not Iori’s) take hold and make his precious  _ Tenn-nii _ climb the walls. ( _ No he was  _ NOT  _ bitter) _

“I want to… I think he deserves to know.” Nanase-san ran his finger on the rim of his iced-coffee glass. “I don’t know if I should, though. It would put him in a weird place with Kujo-san and Yaotome-san.” 

“It’s up to you, but if you want my advice,” Iori sipped his own coffee, careful to choose his own glass rather than whatever bitter, black-as-night espresso concoction was in front of Nanase-san, “I suggest keeping it to ourselves. It’s not like there’s much he can do, and if the president chooses to pursue legal routes, TRIGGER knowing about it could complicate matters. For everyone.” 

“I know. I just feel like I’m lying to Tenn-nii about it if I don’t tell him. We tell each other everything.” 

Iori raised a (not) bitter eyebrow; “So I’ve noticed.” 

Nanase Tenn was surprisingly deft at avoiding detection, Iori would give him that. Despite his striking features and ubiquitous fame, he managed to saunter through the cafe like he owned the place and didn’t raise so much as a murmur. Iori still marvelled at how  _ anyone _ thought keeping his and Nanase-san’s relationship secret would have worked, same surnames notwithstanding. With their glasses and matching slouchy hats, they  _ definitely _ looked like brothers. 

“Tenn-nii!” Riku greeted with quiet enthusiasm. He threw his arms around Nanase Tenn’s shoulders in a brotherly hug. One that was returned with perhaps more gusto than necessary. “You OK? You sounded--” 

Nanase Tenn cut him off with a raised hand; “Let me have coffee first. And whatever cake is good.” 

“Yikes… if you need cake, it  _ must _ be bad!”

Nanase Tenn gave his brother an indulgent smile, stroking the top of his head fondly; “Seeing you helps.” He then turned a too-sharp gaze on Iori, his gentle eyes turning hard and dangerous in a move too quick to follow. “Izumi Iori.” 

Iori scowled defensively, resisting the urge to step between them… Nanase-san was  _ his _ group’s center, after all; “Nanase Tenn-san.” 

The atmosphere was tense while orders were placed and refills were secured. Once Nanase Tenn had his iced coffee drink and the prettiest slice of strawberry shortcake Iori had ever seen placed in front of him, Nanase-san took it upon himself to open the conversation. 

“Tenn-nii,” he said softly, his mouth turned down in a sympathetic frown. A pang of phantom emotion clenched at Iori’s heart. “Will you tell me  _ now  _ what’s bothering you?”

In that moment, Iori wouldn’t believe that Nanase-san and Tenn were twins. Nanase Tenn looked so much older, so much sadder… like he had this unbearable weight on his shoulders. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

Nanase-san, unprepared for the question, stiffened; “Go… go ahead?”

“Riku if… if someone you cared about--Izumi Iori, for example--” 

“Leave me out of your metaphorical what-if’s, if you please, Nanase Tenn-san,” Iori groused as politely as he could. 

That earned him twin Nanase scowls of disapproval, and that was just  _ unsettling _ . 

“If Izumi Iori was displaying behavior that… worried you.” Nanase Tenn continued as if uninterrupted. “Like, everything seemed normal for the most part. Daily life continued, your jobs weren’t really affected, but looking back on certain… personality quirks in the context of new information was… worrisome. What would you do?” 

Nanase-san blinked owlishly; “Umm… sorry, Tenn-nii, you lost me.” 

“It might help if he went into specifics on these ‘ _ behaviors _ ,’” Iori offered. 

“I can’t tell you that.” 

Iori  _ barely _ resisted the urge to snarl. Barely. “So what was the point of asking for advice?” 

Nanase Tenn narrowed his eyes and glowered down his nose; “I’m sorry, who are you? I don’t recall asking for  _ your  _ advice…” 

“Tenn-nii, please--” 

“What is he even doing here, Riku?” 

“Rehearsing, if you must know.” Iori allowed himself a self-satisfied smirk, borderline provoking. “We  _ do _ work together, after all. I’m just making sure our precious center isn’t wasting his valuable time.” 

Nanase Tenn’s hands twitched like he wanted to smack Iori in the mouth, and if Iori had been Nii-san he would have dared him to try it. See how far it got him when it wound up on Twitter. Thankfully, Nanase-san was there, so they didn’t have to resort to violence. 

“Knock it off, both of you!” Nanase-san aimed a sharp kick under the table at Iori’s shin. “Tenn-nii, I’m sorry, but Iori’s sort of right… I can’t help without specifics.” 

Iori squared off, ready to pick up their argument once more, but the wind went out of his sails when he saw how unbearably sad Nanase Tenn looked; “It’s…” 

His voice broke, and Riku’s tiny, whispered encouragement and gentle hand on his wrist seemed to break him.

“It’s Ryuu.” 

Iori tilted his head in confusion; “Kujo-san?” 

Iori hadn’t spoken much with Kujo-san. All he knew was that he was the ultimate idol. TRIGGER’s center, the face (and chest) of Thunder Dry, and one of the most desired men in Japan. He was the subject of much speculation--where had he come from? How had Yaotome found such a treasure? Who  _ was _ he, exactly? Despite his ease, kindness, and approachability on stage, in the wild Kujo Ryunosuke was an intimidating figure. Tall, quiet, and intense. Iori still got chills at the look he had fixed Idolish7 with when TRIGGER took the stage at MusicFesta. I wasn’t something he was likely to forget. 

Was he in some sort of trouble?

“What about him?” Nanase-san asked. 

“It’s just…” Nanase Tenn swallowed  _ hard _ . “He’s always been sort of… quiet. Gaku and I don’t know much about him, and he sort of holds us at a distance. But in Okinawa--” 

“We saw that commotion,” Iori interjected. “He… he ran out of the lobby, didn’t he?” 

“He saw his little brothers.” 

“He… he has little brothers?” It was Riku’s turn to tilt his head like a Cocker Spaniel. 

_ Cute… _

Nanase Tenn recounted as much as he could from TRIGGER’s trip to Okinawa, and despite him still being obtuse and opaque about the matter, to call Kujo-san’s behavior ‘concerning’ was a bit of an understatement. If anyone in his group were displaying such behaviors, he’d go to the manager immediately. But then, if Kujo-san’s demeanor hadn’t changed, then maybe it was normal? It was hard to say without more information. Besides, if Kujo-san’s own group didn’t know him well, what insight could outsiders offer? 

“That’s tough… I’m sorry, Tenn-nii.” Nanase-san pet the back of his brother’s hand, drawing some sort of meaningless shape that had a near-Pavlovian effect on him. Something from when they were kids? “For what it’s worth, things haven’t been easy on us, either… not since Okinawa.” 

It was Iori’s turn to aim a swift kick under the table, catching Nanase-san in the shin. 

Too late… Nanase Tenn latched onto that train of conversation like a wolf on prey; “What happened in Okinawa?” 

“Nanase-san!” Iori hissed in an effort to stop the incoming shit-show. 

“Iori, I’m going to tell him. He deserves to know!” 

“Tell me what?” 

“Nanase-san--” 

“ _ Tell me what?” _ Nanase Tenn pounded the table hard enough to disturb their dishes, drawing the ire of a few onlookers. Thankfully, they weren’t recognized. Yet. 

“Tenn-nii… ahh…” Nanase-san rubbed at the back of his head. “So when we came back from Okinawa...our office had been broken into.” 

“Yes, I remember…” 

“Well… nothing was stolen, except our debut single. We still don’t know who stole it, but… Tenn-nii,  _ Natsu Shiyou Ze _ was supposed to be our debut single. Someone stole it for TRIGGER.” 

Nanase Tenn went so violently pale so suddenly, Iori was concerned he might either vomit all over the table or pass out. Or both. Tears teased at the corners of his eyes. His chest heaved, his rabbit-fast pulse fluttering at the base of his neck. Nanase-san looked ready to leap across the table to his aid, especially when his hands started to shake, rattling the ice in his glass. 

Nanase Tenn was having a panic attack. 

“No… that’s…No that… that makes sense. I just… I had a suspicion, but… I should have--” 

“Tenn-nii, please breathe,” Nanase-san said softly, rubbing at his brother’s shoulder. “You’re hyperventilating.” 

“Riku!” Tenn seized Nanase-san’s sleeve. “You can’t… please! Promise me… promise me you won’t tell anyone else!” 

“Tenn-nii--” 

“I’ll do anything! I’ll do anything you ask! Just… please. Please let Ryuu and Gaku have this… they’re having so much fun and they’re actually smiling on the stage and… please! I’m begging you, Riku,  _ please _ \--” 

“Please calm down.” Iori was perhaps a little more snappish than usual, but the situation was rapidly deteriorating. “Listen, Nanase-san, we have no plans to come forward with this. We don’t want to jinx our debut. What’s done is done.” 

“I’m so sorry, Riku… I’m sorry.” 

“Tenn-nii, it’s not your fault.” Nanase-san shot Iori a loaded look out the corner of his eye. 

Iori didn’t believe in psychic communication or anything like that, but if he was reading Nanase-san’s look right, he was having the same terrible feeling about TRIGGER’s center that would surely haunt Iori for the foreseeable future. He didn’t know how to solve it. Hell, he didn’t know if there  _ was _ a solution. 

One thing was certain. He was going to keep a much closer eye on TRIGGER from now on.


	5. Risky na Kanojo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end of chapter for content warnings

There were times when Ryuu hated his life. 

His image was viscerally uncomfortable to maintain; he was constantly in the public eye, and maintaining the delicate balance of approachability, professionalism, sex appeal, and devotion to his fans was exhausting on the best of days. But he did it, regardless of the toll it took on his mental health. Kujo-san would be so disappointed if Ryuu failed to meet expectations. 

There were nights when he’d lie awake in his big, uncomfortable bed ( _ firmer mattresses are better for posture, too many pillows will hurt your neck and force you to overcorrect) _ in that yawningly-empty, dark, unnervingly clean house. Even if he was in the densely populated metropolis of Tokyo--so far from home in almost every way--Kujo-san had him staying in his home in Aoyama. And it was so  _ quiet. _ The trees and distance between each house muffled any city noise, and the neighbors were totally silent. No barking dogs. No honking horns or shouting revellers… no sign of life. He may as well have been a perfect little doll in a perfect little dollhouse, sealed off behind glass.

Still, it wasn’t  _ always _ so bad.

Sure, he missed home like crazy. He missed his baby brothers so much that it hurt, and there were times when he felt like all he wanted to do was scream and claw out of his own skin… those were times when he knew his dad--his  _ real _ dad--would set him straight. But he'd made a choice. His life for theirs. 

Well, that was a bit dramatic. Kujo-san had given him a  _ job _ … nothing more. 

_ Except when he asks for more from you _ … 

He shook himself, catching a glimpse of Gaku and Tenn in his mirror. Kujo-san would be  _ appalled _ with the level of familiarity Ryuu had with his groupmates, but after everything--after spending nearly 18 hours a day together, on short days--it didn’t feel right to call them ‘ _ Nanase _ ’ and ‘ _ Yaotome _ …’ Besides, the gaping wound left behind by leaving his family had slowly started to heal. Tenn and Gaku were at least  _ partially _ responsible for that. 

He reflected on their years together as he watched them scrap on the couch; Tenn was playing keep-away with Gaku’s phone, keeping him at a distance with deceptively long legs, while Gaku threatened all manner of revenge on Tenn. He had no idea what they were bickering about… He had a tendency to zone out when no one was talking to him. He got lost in his thoughts, following rabbit trails of memories that always left him sweating and wanting to throw up… it was a bad habit he needed to break. Maybe Kujo-san had some tips…

“Nanase Tenn, I swear if you send that text I will--” 

“You’ll what?” Tenn pushed him away with a firm foot in his ribcage. “I have a little brother, Yaotome. I’m immune to your bullshit.” 

“Yeah, you say that until I replace the custard in those donuts you like with mayonnaise.” 

“ _ You wouldn’t dare! _ ” 

Ryuu snorted, an inelegant sound that Kujo-san would wring his neck over, but he couldn’t help it. Gaku and Tenn reminded him so much of his little brothers scrapping over the last ice cream, it almost hurt to be in its presence. Still, unfamiliar warmth and happiness bubbled up in his chest, unable to be contained. So it came spilling out as rusty laughter. Rough and dry with disuse, but laughter nonetheless. 

“What are you two bickering about now?” 

Momentarily distracted by Ryuu’s sudden outburst, Tenn had gone still, enabling Gaku to snatch his phone back with a triumphant  _ ah ha! _ Once Gaku confirmed… whatever he wanted to confirm, he pocketed his phone and shot immature faces at Tenn from the couch. 

“That feral little shit-gremlin stole my phone! He was going to send Tsumugi something embarrassing.” 

“A love confession,” Tenn clarified, sticking his tongue out at Gaku. 

“Why, exactly, were you going to do that, Tenn?” Ryuu asked indulgently.

“The benefits are many, really.” Tenn counted on his fingers with a smug grin. “Number one, it’d piss Gaku off, which is always a plus. Two, it would be  _ so funny _ . Especially when he has to make eye contact with  _ Tsumugi  _ again.” He made ridiculously fluttery eyes at Gaku in an attempt to mock him into submission. “And three, if  _ I  _ don’t do it, it will never happen, and you’ll never have beautiful pale-haired babies together!” 

“Shut  _ up _ , Tenn! God, I don’t--” 

Ryuu snorted again; “You two are ridiculous. Just be careful--we don’t need concussions off the coffee table.” 

“Yes,  _ Mom _ ,” Tenn sighed dramatically, curling up into the plush armchair. His grin rather reminded Ryuu of a cat who got the cream, and judging by the rather adorable cat print on his hoodie, he’d probably welcome the comparison. “Honestly, Ryuu, you’d think we’re totally out of control, the way you act.” 

“You  _ are  _ out of control!” Gaku shot back, whacking Tenn with a throw pillow. “I’m perfect--I’m actually the adult here.” 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,  _ Yaotome _ .” Tenn retaliated with an empty water bottle chucked at Gaku’s head. 

Gaku narrowly dodged; “Sleep with one eye open, Nanase! I’m farting in your coffee maker!” 

“Ok, I can accept the donut-sabotage, but do  _ not _ mess with Angela!” 

“You seriously called your coffee maker ‘Angela?’” 

“Fucking fight me!” 

Tenn was borderline hysterical, but the atmosphere was humorous, despite the fact that Gaku had chased Tenn up to the back of the chair like an ill-behaved dog chasing a cat up a tree. Ryuu couldn’t help the breathless, uncontrollable laughter. He hadn’t lived with his brothers in so long, he had almost forgotten how boys could be, even if there wasn’t a massive age gap between them. Still, once the chair tipped back dangerously, nearly sending both his bandmates flying into the wall, he figured intervention was probably required. 

“ _ Alright you, two that’s enough _ ,” he grabbed them by the backs of the shirts, gently prying them apart. “ _ Someone’s gonna get hurt.” _

He expected a bit of light-hearted teasing, but instead he got eerily-identical questioning looks. 

“I’m sorry… what?” Gaku asked. 

“Was that Japanese?” 

Ryuu ran over what he just said in his head, freezing in fear when he realized he’d slipped into his accent; “I’m sorry! It was… ah…  _ uchinaaguchi _ … Okinawan dialect. I spoke in it when I was a kid, I’m sorry, I--” 

He braced, ready for their mocking and ridicule. He’d never forget the lessons Kujo-san had pushed on him to break him of his accent. He didn’t really like to think about them, and just the  _ threat _ of mockery was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat. 

“Ah, cool!” Gaku said with an honest grin. “I don’t know any sort of dialects and stuff… well, except Edo.” 

“When on  _ Earth _ will you need the Edo dialect?” Tenn asked. “Are you planning on time travelling? Or are you just bringing another layer of authenticity to that garbage Shinsengumi drama you’re in.” 

Gaku shrugged; “My instinct right now is to fight you, but we just got the shooting script and I  _ swear _ that thing was written by absolute mad men. Someone please get them back on their medication, because… wow.” 

Ryuu had never felt that sort of relief that he could remember… even solving his family’s financial troubles had still come with a lingering sense of anxiety and dread. But his friends accepting something kind of inconsequential about him that had been shamed and sometimes literally beaten out of him… the sudden relief combined with the misdirected fear of rejection created emotional whiplash so intense, he didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. 

So he laughed. 

He couldn’t even put it into words, couldn’t get enough air to properly explain why their bandmate had suddenly lost his mind. He wrapped his arms around his middle and heaved huge, ugly laughs, bordering on hysterical. Then Gaku was rubbing at his back, and Tenn was leaning into his side, seeking that warmth and contact from him. For once, it didn’t send awful, slimy sensations to his fingers and toes; didn’t make his skin crawl like things were living underneath it. For once, it was just warmth and love and affection, and he wanted to soak it up like sunshine. 

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door; “Ryuu, we have a--Oh! Sorry, didn’t mean to break up the fun.” 

Ryuu swiped at his eyes with his thumbs, slowly letting his breath calm and his words return; “No, Anesagi-san, it’s fine. What were you saying?” 

“Oh, I was just saying we need to leave for a shoot. Tenn has a variety filming in about half an hour, and Gaku, I can call a car to get you to your script reading.” 

_ Script reading _ … for some reason, this was just  _ unbearably  _ funny to the three of them. After mere seconds of eye contact, they burst into the most ridiculous giggles, near breathless with boyish laughter over some innocuous inside joke. 

Ryuu followed a baffled Anesagi-san out of the Green Room, shooting Gaku and Tenn a friendly wave. His chest felt so light, and he felt warm… really warm, for the first time in a long time. It was like they’d let a little shaft of sunlight into his dark, dusty psyche. 

It almost felt like healing.

~~~

Ryuu learned quickly that there were good days and bad days. Some days were  _ really _ good, and he could just be a normal 23-year-old. He got drinks with Gaku, accepted hugs from Tenn, shook fan’s hands, and even told extemporaneous jokes on stage or in front of cameras. Some days were refreshing and healing, like the day in the Green Room. He found he could slowly open up about Okinawa and what little of his past he wanted to reveal. Once he realized they wouldn’t reject him for who he was, it was easier to trust Tenn and Gaku…

Other days were really, really bad. Like a day just before Sound Ship. 

His costar was very sweet. She was small and cute and very kind… even a little intimidated by him. Most of his female costars were. He wasn’t small, and Kujo-san had taught him an affect that walked a razor’s edge of sex symbol, consumate professional, desirable dream partner, and untouchable star. Even worse, there was something distinctly… sadistic about the character he was supposed to play. Just reading the script almost sent him into a flustered fit, but his skills enabled him to internalize until he could implode in private. 

It was going well. They were on schedule, he and his costar had good chemistry, and everyone was going out of their way to make her and Ryuu comfortable, considering the subject matter at hand. In embarrassing clarity, he could see how this would all play out if he were a different man. A better man. One who wasn’t broken beyond repair. 

But then…  _ the scene _ … the scene he’d been dreading. He crowded his costar ( _ Shimizu… her name is Shimizu) _ into the wall, towering dramatically over her. As per his script directions, he hooked his thumb into the joke of a strap on her dress, teasing at pulling it off. 

“I may be your boss,” he growled, crowding in closer. He schooled his expression into one of sensual indifference that he’d mastered a long time ago as a survival mechanism. “But I’m still a man.” 

He focused on the corny dialogue, the heat of the lights, the chill in the studio, the bustle of employees…  _ anything _ to remind him that  _ this wasn’t real _ . They were almost to the end of the scene. The director would call cut any minute. Just one more line. One more direction. He could do it… 

Shimizu’s line sounded like hornets in his ear, and the hand she ran over his chest made every fiber of his being want to recoil. The curl in on himself and scrub until he couldn’t feel the slimy sensation on his skin anymore. It was too real. Too much like… he couldn’t… 

_ Don’t touch… don’t touch me…  _

He didn’t remember how the scene wrapped, or how he changed into his street clothes, or how he got back into the car with Anesagi-san… the next thing he knew, he was at TRIGGER’s next location, staring at a toilet filled with vomit and his mouth tasting like bile.

~~~

_ Ryunosuke,  _

_ I am thinking of returning to Japan after the New Year. Please have everything ready, and be prepared for my arrival. Best of luck at Black or White.  _

_ Kujo-san _

~~~

There were good days and bad days. Gaku and Tenn made the good days better. They made the bad days less bad. 

He knew, in his heart of hearts, that the longer he spent away from Kujo-san, the more he surrounded himself with people he loved and who loved him back, the better off he was. The less time he spent alone, doing solo work or isolated in that unnervingly-clean and yawningly-empty house, the more good days he had. The anxiety that came with Kujo-san's impending arrival seemed to fade to background noise when he was with people. 

After three solid nights with little to no sleep, interrupted with nightmares he couldn’t even remember in the morning, he asked Gaku if he could sleep over for a few nights. Gaku agreed almost shockingly fast, offering to drive Ryuu to his house to pick up a few essentials. 

“I just need some clothes and my hygiene stuff… it won’t take a minute.” 

“You can take your time, Ryuu,” Gaku said, confidently navigating them into Ryuu’s neighborhood. He whistled as the huge, carefully-spaced houses came into view. “Wow… swanky place.” 

“The house is Kujo-san’s,” Ryuu clarified, trying to shake the anxiety he could already feel building up in his core. “I just live there.” 

“Well, if Kujo-san’s your guardian, then--” 

“We don’t have a parental relationship. He just… adopted me on paper.” It’s the most Ryuu has ever revealed to  _ anyone _ outside his immediate circle within the Kujo household. “We have a professional relationship.” 

Gaku stiffened; “So… I’m sorry, that… can I just say something? And you promise you won’t get mad?” 

“Unless you were one of the idiots throwing rocks at Korean kindergarteners this past weekend, I promise I won’t get mad.”

“Ew, why would I do that?” Gaku scowled. “No, what… I just think it’s so wild. That you did all this when you were  _ so young _ … and Kujo doesn’t seem to treat you very well.” 

It was Ryuu’s turn to stiffen; “He took care of me. He made me a star. He took care of my family… he  _ loves  _ me, Gaku. He’s told me.” 

“Yeah… yeah, ok.” Gaku visibly wilted in the driver’s seat. “Yeah I get it. But like… you know I worry. I care about you, Ryuu… you’re one of my best friends. You deserve to be happy.” 

_ Do I, though?  _

Ryuu wasn’t really sure. What did it even  _ mean _ to be happy? He couldn’t remember. He loved TRIGGER. He loved his fans. He loved Gaku and Tenn. He was developing a soft spot for the kids in Idolish7… but was he happy? And did he  _ really _ deserve it? 

He contemplated it all the way through packing a bag, meticulously choosing some clothes for the next few days and organizing his skin care and oral hygiene products. Gaku helped him roll his clothes and pack them neatly, although he did side-eye his bottle of saltwater spray he used to tame his hair. There was a strange companionable nature to the silence as they worked, a weird sense of unfamiliar intimacy as Gaku rescued Ryuu’s favorite snacks and a half-finished bottle of red wine from the pantry.

Maybe he didn’t know true happiness yet. He had too many demons for that. But as he sprawled out in comfortable pajamas on Gaku’s obscenely comfortable couch, watching a terrible movie and drinking too much wine and making games of tossing snacks into each others open mouths…

He felt that maybe that was pretty close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Minor trauma implied, panic attacks, vomit (not explicit)
> 
> So... like, what. Two weeks to Second Beat? Is anyone else firmly on their bullshit because I SURE AS SHIT AM!!! 
> 
> Thank you once again for your patience as I update this. It has been a very strange 2020 thus far but I am still thoroughly enjoying this project. As always, your kudos and views mean the world to me, your comments turn me into an absolute monster filled with glee


	6. GOOD NIGHT AWESOME

SoundShip was  _ supposed  _ to be fun. 

As soon as Anesagi dropped them off at the talent entrance, she fluttered off for a management meeting, likely where she would be filled in on the various minutiae of the event and how it would be handled. TRIGGER was the closing act, so they were among the last to arrive. Tenn managed a polite bow to everyone who greeted them, but his mind was elsewhere. A lot had been happening lately, not all of it within his control, and it was starting to wear on him a little bit. 

His only solace was his baby brother, preening under the praise of his bandmates before he caught Tenn’s eye. 

“Ah! Tenn-nii!” Riku rushed forward to envelop Tenn in a bone-crushing hug. “Congratulations on your song getting Number One!” 

_ Of course _ Riku would have gotten the news. Idolish7’s manager seemed strangely hip to TRIGGER’s inner workings, and Riku always seemed to know when something happened. However, despite Riku’s enthusiasm, the remainder of his bandmates reacted on a spectrum from cold professionalism and--in the case of Izumi Mitsuki--open disdain. Their leader seemed to sense something brewing, so he stepped between them with an affable smile. One Tenn had seen somewhere before…

“Let’s do our best today. Looking forward to working with you.” 

Ryuu smiled plastically, a professional affect he took on when dealing with other groups; “Yeah, same to you. Looking forward to working with you.” 

“How are you feeling? Nervous?” Tenn asked his brother, squeezing his shoulders gently. The point of contact was enough to quiet the anxiety swirling in his gut… he knew why Izumi Mitsuki glowered at them as soon as they walked through the door. He was painfully aware of the fact that TRIGGER was there to perform a stolen song. In front of the song’s original owners. It was easier to cling to what was familiar, even if what was familiar was a glass-smiled Ryuu and a baby brother vibrating with nervous energy.

“A little,” Riku answered. “Most everyone here are your fans--” 

“Ryuu and Gaku’s fans,” Tenn interjected playfully, jabbing Riku in the ribs. His quick dodge and attempt to hook his foot around Tenn’s ankle was close enough to their normal that it set Tenn’s racing heart at ease. 

“Shut up, Tenn-nii, you’re beautiful and more popular than God!” 

“God has the world’s best selling book, where as I’m pretty sure my solo single came in at like, number three, so I wouldn’t say that.” 

“Oh, my God, you’re the worst sometimes!” 

“Wow, he’s worse than you,” Izumi Mitsuki teased with a good-natured laugh and an elbow in Izumi Iori’s ribs.” 

“ _ Nii-san! _ ” 

The scene (especially Izumi Iori’s indignant sputtering and Nikaido Yamato’s ugly cackling) was easy and comforting and made something sit right in Tenn’s chest. He resolved to do something nice for them, even if he’d rather tear out his own eyeballs than actually do something nice for Izumi Iori. Unpacking that sentiment felt like too much work on too little caffeine, so Tenn gently extracted his arm from Riku’s grasp to head to their dressing room. 

“See you later, Riku. Maybe we can grab coffee after, if you aren’t too busy.”

Riku lit up with the suggestion, and Tenn barely resisted the urge to breathe a sigh of relief. His brother could be too perceptive sometimes, and he would  _ know _ that Tenn didn’t feel right. He would  _ know _ about the god-awful guilt that gnawed on his insides at the very idea of TRIGGER performing  _ Natsu ☆ Shiyou Ze  _ on stage… in front of the song’s original owners. 

Just when he thought he was in the clear, though, Gaku had to step in and do something stupid. 

“Don’t be nervous.” He nudged Riku in the chest gently, activating every protective instinct in Tenn’s body. “Why are you standing in the middle? Isn’t it so you can lead them to greater heights? You better do your best today, center.”

Ryuu smiled indulgently as Gaku strode ahead of them, and Tenn  _ barely  _ resisted the urge to slap his forehead in disbelief. Or slap Gaku’s forehead. He’d take either option.

“What the hell was that!?” Tenn burst into their dressing room, making Ryuu jump so violently he almost dropped his water bottle. 

“What!?” Gaku shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it neatly next to Ryuu’s. “He looked nervous!” 

“You  _ simpleton _ , you choose  _ now _ to access your single kernel of wisdom!?”

Gaku scowled, halfway through changing into his costume shirt already; “Shut up!” 

Tension crackled between Gaku and Tenn for a beat. Honestly, Tenn wasn’t even sure why he was so mad. Maybe the sleepless nights were starting to get to him. But for some reason, watching Gaku give his brother some friendly, professional advice ( _ and touching, never forget the touching _ ) had rubbed him the wrong way, and now he was  _ mad _ . Probably madder than the situation called for, really… 

“Tenn, calm down,” Ryuu said, putting a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder. His thumb pressed into the skin at the base of Tenn’s neck, a soothing gesture that instantly slowed his heart rate. “Gaku was just showing his support in his own…special way. Right?” 

“Well, yeah,” Gaku answered bluntly. “I have all the faith in the world in our center. I’m sure Nanase’s group feels the same way about him.” 

It was almost impressive, how quickly Ryuu flushed from chest to crown; “Wow, you just… said it like that, didn’t you? Have you always been this blunt, or did I miss something...” 

“He’s always been like this,” Tenn replied flatly, despite the smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, “but wow, I’ve never seen you blush like that.” 

Ryuu touched the back of his neck in that weird, aborted motion he sometimes did, curling in on himself and sticking his lips out in a ridiculous pout; “Wow, you really  _ are _ a big brother… stop picking on me.” 

“Well, maybe you just need a thicker skin!” Gaku gently whacked him with one of the throw pillows. “You’ve been with us for two years, Ryuu. You should know this little shit gremlin’s hobby is pushing our buttons.” 

“Just your buttons!” Tenn found another throw pillow stashed on the other side of the couch, throwing it at Gaku with more strength than necessary. “And come up with a new insult!” 

“Why? ‘Shit Gremlin’ is perfect for you, although I’m open to suggestions. Maybe ‘two-faced hedgehog?’ Except that’s an insult to hedgehogs--they’re actually pretty cute.” 

Tenn scowled, ready to insult Gaku right back (after all, what right did  _ he _ have, what with his face, his hyper fixation on soba, and his rock-like tact) until Ryuu snorted quietly under his breath. 

“Heh… Cotton Candy Demon…” 

Silence… total silence while Gaku and Tenn absorbed what just happened. Despite the flush high on Ryuu’s cheeks, there was still a mischievous glint in his eyes… something soft and silly that  _ dared _ Tenn to respond in kind. Something like an older brother… 

Gaku broke the tension by breaking out into hideous, snorting giggles; “Shit, Ryuu, I think that’s perfect.” 

Tenn pouted; “It is not!” 

“It is, and it is also the greatest thing to happen to me this year!” 

Ryuu’s smirk widened, his shrug just this side of too exaggerated to be nonchalant; “Oh, yes, number one single, number one sexiest man of the year, Black or White win around New Year, but me calling Tenn a demon? Tops it all.” 

Now it was Tenn’s turn to laugh; “Oh, my god, I think this might actually be the greatest thing to happen all year, BorW be damned.” 

They probably would have continued like that until their stylists came to get them ready to go on… they had to be ready soon, after all. But the person who slammed through the door, throwing a glass of ice water on the atmosphere, wasn’t a trio of star-struck make-up artists or viciously-professional hair stylists, but Anesagi-san. 

“Alright boys, pack up. We’re leaving.” 

If there could be a physical record scratch in real life, Tenn was pretty sure he would have heard it there; “Excuse me? Leaving?” 

“We just got here,” Gaku added. 

“We’re cancelling our performance,” Anesagi said bluntly. 

Tenn was ready to step in, but Ryuu beat him to it; “Alright, then. Tell me why.” 

“I don’t have to,” Anesagi snapped. “You three are pawns the company uses in deals and business. If you have a problem with it, then go sing on the street.” 

Tenn had never seen Ryuu rise to his full height like he did in that moment. If he didn’t  _ know _ that Ryuu was almost painfully gentle, it would have been intimidating. Anesagi knew better than any of them that Ryuu was often passive, rarely confrontational, and agreeable to a fault. Even she took a step away from this new Ryuu. 

“I can’t accept that. We’re all adults, here. So we should solve this  _ like adults _ .” 

“I’ll call my dad,” Gaku grumbled, fishing his phone out of his pocket. 

“Sorry, Anesagi-san,” Tenn said, crossing his legs at the knee. Even he knew he didn’t sound very sorry. “Looks like we’re staying.” 

Anesagi huffed through her nose; “Do as you like… it won’t change anything.” 

~~~

The chanting of the audience was incessant, and every scream of ‘TRIGGER’ sent another knife into Tenn’s heart. Gaku winced like it caused him physical pain, while Ryuu stared at a spot on the wall with an expression full of fire and ice that could probably flay flesh from bone. The cacophony of the angry audience was an almost poetic dichotomy with the tense silence in the dressing room. Gaku was mad, and somehow Ryuu was madder… Tenn just felt sick. 

“Tenn.” Ryuu’s sudden command made him jump like a startled cat, but the tension in his shoulders made zero room for levity. “Turn on the TV.” 

“You… you sure?” 

“Yes. We owe it to our fans to see what we did.” 

The command was simple, laced with an odd melancholy that spoke of something deeper. Darker. But Tenn didn’t have time to unpack that right now… because his baby brother was on the stage. Singing  _ Natsu ☆ Shiyou Ze. _

“What the… that’s our song!” Gaku was so taken aback, his volume was totally inappropriate for a live event, no matter how far away from the stage they were. 

Ryuu had gone… shockingly quiet, his face completely pale. Tenn, on the other hand, felt like he’d swallowed a rock. Even if he didn’t know the awful truth about their song, he’d  _ know _ . It was too perfect… too flawless to be a coincidence. Ryuu and Gaku could tell, too. Tenn could see the dawning horror on their faces as Idolish7 sang the song that had gone to number one, the song they’d come to sing with the very fans that were cheering for their rivals. 

Tenn wanted to vomit. More than the shame at the situation beyond their control, the genuine enthusiasm with which Riku and his group sang to an unreceptive crowd… it was further proof that TRIGGER hadn’t just stolen a song, but one that was beloved. Their future. Their  _ debut _ . They’d robbed Idolish7 of their chance to sing a precious song, and now in the greatest irony the universe could provide, they were doing what TRIGGER couldn’t do and doing it perfectly. Wordlessly, Tenn shuffled out of the room down towards the backstage area. If the fervor with which his baby brother singing the song didn’t already sting his pride, the quiet enthusiasm of the backstage staff was downright excruciating. 

Tenn felt so pathetic. More so than he’d ever felt in his life. Ryuu and Gaku flanked him, and yet with his knowledge, he was alone. Ryuu’s eyes held such a depth of pain it was as hard to watch as the display before them, and Gaku--in all his blunt honesty--just swore and dropped to his knees. 

Distantly, Tenn was reminded of why he was there. Why he even joined Yaotome Productions in the first place. Those days of Riku’s dependence on him seemed so far away. Somehow, Tenn had come to rely on his brother in a way that was foreign to him, even as pride swelled in his chest. Somewhere along the way, his baby brother had become so strong… and Tenn had grown so weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who is still reading this I thank you dearly. It has been... a very strange few months. This project is by no means dead. Just slow going. Thanks again for all your kudos, comments, and views! I really appreciate all of you


	7. Diamond no Kokoro

Yaotome Gaku was a simple man. He just wanted to support his mom and grandfather by singing and dancing. And, if he was being honest, he was pretty good at them. But one thing he never fully understood was all the drama and politics in the music industry. Ryuu seemed to get it. Tenn at least pretended to understand it. Gaku was just… baffled. Why couldn’t he just show up and sing for his fans? Why did company minutiae and relationships and scandals have to come into play? 

They’d tried to explain it to him, even if they were equally broken up about the display at SoundShip. But Gaku knew himself well enough to know that the only way he’d be satisfied was if he investigated on his own. 

Oh, if he’d only known… 

The fact that his father had been equal parts dismissive, condescending, and aggressive in his refusal to explain SoundShip to Gaku was one thing. Infuriating, sure, but in character for his father. He didn’t actually anticipate getting an answer, and even what he’d overheard didn’t surprise him. His mom wasn’t shy about the reasons why their marriage crumbled. Hearing his old man growl like a super villain had been a new experience, but again, nothing Gaku didn’t expect. 

Looking back, he couldn’t regret the miniature coffee date he had with Tsumugi. Whatever negative that had come out of that afternoon was far offset by the positives. He was really starting to like Tsumugi, with her earnest energy, her polite speech, and her easy humor. Also, it was remarkably easy to fluster her, which wasn’t a new experience for him, but was still fun. But as seemed to be the current trend, of course it had to come crashing down. He couldn’t just have a coffee with a girl he may or may not like… 

Idolish7’s center revealed  _ Natsu ☆ Shiyou Ze  _ had been stolen. From Idolish7. It was their debut song…  _ damn it _ . That stung on so many levels, the least of which was that it had been hidden from them. The whole drive home, Gaku had wanted to be sick.  _ Natsu… _ was more than just a beloved song that had gone to number 1. It was a symbol. 

It had been a song that brought TRIGGER together in a new way, allowing them to explore as artists and singers and dancers. It had eased the two-year-old tension between Gaku and Tenn, allowing them to settle into something more reminiscent of bickering siblings than out and out antagonism. It had brought Ryuu out of his shell, softened that glassy exterior into something smooth and weathered and unique… like sea glass. It had turned them into brothers… real brothers. Something Gaku had always wanted and never had…

And it was  _ stolen _ . It was tainted, and they could never, in good conscience, perform it again. Gaku wasn’t so naive to think it wouldn’t change things, but now… now a part of TRIGGER could potentially be dying. The part that had turned into more than just a career for Gaku… the part that made him want to be around Ryuu and Tenn. The one that considered them family… could their group even survive this? 

So Gaku did the one thing he knew how to do when he got anxious about something. He was going to hit something. Or  _ someone _ . Preferably, his dad. 

“Tenn. Ryuu.” He sighed dramatically, trying to convey the gravitas of the situation without words. “There’s something I have to tell you.” 

Tenn quirked a perfectly groomed eyebrow, looking up from whatever he was reading on his tablet; “You’re unusually serious today. Did Idolish7’s manager finally shoot you down?” 

Gaku ignored Tenn’s snipes, refusing to take the bait; “I might have to leave TRIGGER. I’m going to punch my Dad.” 

Unexpectedly, it wasn’t Tenn who reacted, but Ryuu; “Wait!” 

He accompanied his outburst with a  _ shockingly  _ gentle hand on Gaku’s shoulder, but despite the swell of affection and pride that came with the unprecedented touch, Gaku brushed it away brusquely; “Let go! I’ve already made my decision.” 

Ryuu pulled away as if burned, but his eyes were still hard with determination; “Calm down and explain, Gaku. What happened that you’ll just throw away everything we’ve built together for a family dispute?” 

Gaku bristled.. Who the  _ hell _ was Ryuu to talk about openness and communication? As long as they’d been together, he’d barely explained anything about his life, choosing to keep him and Tenn at arm’s length. As much as their growing closeness was encouraging, there was still so much they didn’t know. So much he didn’t share. However, Gaku resisted the urge to snap at his hypocrisy, turning his anger inward. He could save it for his dad. 

“Family has nothing to do with it!” 

“So you’ll just abandon us and our fans? What  _ happened _ ?” 

“You don’t need to know.” Gaku stiffened, refusing to look Ryuu in the eyes. “I’ll handle this on my own…”

“Stop being so secretive! We--” 

“Tch…” Tenn cut them off with a derisive snort, his mouth tight with a self-deprecating smile. “We’re just business partners… you’ve said so yourself.” 

Ryuu’s breath audibly caught, his face twisting with… something. Anger? He rounded on Tenn with squared shoulders, his hands curled into fists; “We are good friends who have always worked together!” 

The air suddenly rushed out of the room, the situation deescalating so quickly Gaku was surprised his ears didn’t pop. Tenn gaped at Ryuu, his eyes wide and unblinking. It was hard to believe what he was hearing… Ryuu? Staunchly professional, chronically distant Ryuu was telling them that he’d always thought of them as friends? Gaku almost felt feverish, his chest tightening with some emotion he couldn’t put words to.

“I know… I know I’ve said in the past that we aren’t, but… but I’ve always thought of you two as my friends!” Ryuu continued, barely pausing to take a breath. Like if he left a gap in his explanation, someone would take it all away. “We’ve only made it this far by covering for each other and supporting each other.  _ I’m  _ only here because of our bond… because you’ve been here for me. Gaku… talk to me. Let me be here for you. And Tenn, don’t say things you don’t mean!”

It was like Ryuu had thrown ice water on the angry fire that had only just burned in Gaku’s chest. Now, he was just tired. Tired and immeasurably sad. He sighed, leaning into the warm, gentle touch on his shoulder; “We’ve… been singing a stolen song.  _ Natsu ☆ Shiyou Ze  _ was stolen from Idolish7.” 

Ryuu suddenly pulling away left the spot he’d been touching feeling cold; “Stolen…” 

“Hyuga Akihito did it. And if I found out he did it on my dad’s orders…” Gaku clenched his fists tight, ignoring the way Ryuu recoiled from his tense posture. “I’m not going to be able to hold myself back.” 

“Who… who told you?” 

A sudden surge of anger tasted like bile in the back of Gaku’s throat at Tenn’s quiet question… one that had awful implications. Gaku would have seized a handful of his terrible plaid sweater and shaken the absolute hell out of him, but… his face crumpled in terrible sadness, and his lips were set in a firm, nauseous line. 

“You knew?” 

“Of course I knew.” Tenn’s smile was plastic and fragile, the corners of his mouth wobbling dangerously. “Riku and I tell each other everything… he told me ages ago. Right when Idolish7 debuted.”

“So you’ve just been hiding it from us?” Ryuu put his hand on Tenn’s shoulder, squeezing gently. 

It was so odd, watching Tenn turn into Ryuu’s chest. Odder still was the way Ryuu wrapped him in a hug more soft and gentle than Gaku was aware he was capable of. Affectionate strokes down Tenn’s back seemed to break whatever was holding Tenn together, and despite being muffled by Ryuu’s t-shirt, his quiet cries were clearly audible. 

“I didn’t...I didn’t want to hide it.” His voice was thick and his hands shook, but Tenn clung to Ryuu like he was the only thing keeping his broken pieces afloat. “But you two were so happy! You loved it so much, and… we were like a real group. And I didn’t want to take it away from you.” 

“Tenn.” Ryuu didn’t elaborate, and he didn’t really have to. He just quietly held their bandmate, who trembled in the embrace. 

Not wanting to be left out, Gaku curled up next to them, soaking in Ryuu’s warmth. For someone who wasn’t a fan of touch, Ryuu gave some top-notch hugs. It was closeness and connection that Gaku had craved… something he didn’t realize he was missing until he had it. Something told him that in that quiet room, in that warm embrace, something new was being born. Something precious that he would protect with his life. 

Unwilling to break the spell, they stayed like that until Anesagi-san came to shatter it like glass.

~~~

Tamaki wasn’t sure how he wound up in a park at night, talking with Kujo Ryunosuke from TRIGGER. He was the triple-threat Tamaki aspired to be, someone Tamaki genuinely looked up to and secretly competed with to be the best. Best dancer. Best singer. Best guy in that weird sexy-man poll. And yet, despite his popularity, he was totally untouchable. He reminded Tamaki of those fancy dolls he sometimes saw in glass cases. 

But there was something about him… about his quiet attentiveness and this warmth that seemed to radiate off of him, even if he came off as cold sometimes, that made Tamaki open up. That made him spill his guts about everything bothering him. About Aya. About what happened at the studio. About the few terrible memories he had of his father, of protecting his sister during his drunken rages… And he listened. He listened like no one else had before, with quiet understanding and gentle eyes and no judgement. Even if Tamaki felt weak for being unable to keep his family together, Ryunosuke didn’t make him feel like that. 

Instead, he asked him a simple question, staring out into the middle distance instead of looking at Tamaki; “So… that’s why you do all this? For her? For Aya?” 

“Maybe at first… I didn’t care about popularity or rules… I had a goal!” Tamaki swallowed hard, staring at his hands in familiar shame. “But seeing the guys work so hard made me want to try my best, too. When I hurt them, I regretted it from the bottom of my heart… I saw them being amazing, and I got angry. And then frustrated...but now I admire them for it. It’s weird, I know…” 

“No, I see where you’re coming from.” Ryunosuke’s mouth turned down in a sad smile. “I feel the same way, sometimes.” 

Tamaki pouted, trying to organize his messed-up thoughts into a straight line, like the counselor taught him; “You couldn’t understand. You’ve always been winners. Especially you Ryuno--ah--Kujo-san.” 

“Have I?” Ryunosuke huffed through his nose, something coming through that Tamaki wasn’t sure anyone had ever seen before… something sad and broken and deeply hurt. If Tamaki wasn’t so stupid, he might have had a word for it. “Maybe I’m just posturing…” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that I’m lame, cowardly, and weak.” Ryunosuke stared at his feet, his hands curling into fists so tight his knuckles turned white. “I put up a front, but not for myself… it’s for a moment’s dream… There are times when I want to come totally clean. But I can’t let anyone see that weakness. That dark spot in my heart… that’s my burden to carry.” 

“Burden?” Tamaki stared at the hard line of Ryunosuke’s shoulders. He looked a lot like Sou-chan when Tamaki’s stupidity burned a hole into his stomach. “What… I don’t understand.” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I wouldn’t expect anyone to… I don’t talk about it. Ever. I never needed to be loved. I want my singing and dancing to be loved as part of TRIGGER. I wanted to bring Gaku and Tenn to the heights I know they’re capable of. I want the people who praise me when I fail because they love me, the people who disparage me when I succeed because they hate me… I want them to move past those feelings and love my singing and dancing.” He stared at his tightly clenched fists, his eyes glassy and unreadable. “I always hope it will happen so I can be proud of this strength I worked so hard to achieve… so everything I endured wasn’t for nothing.”

He went quiet for a long time. So long that even Tamaki knew he wouldn’t continue or say what he meant. He was hiding something. But despite everything Tamaki had heard about Kujo Ryunosuke, he was there, listening to Tamaki’s problems and  _ trying _ to offer some advice, even if it was too obtuse for Tamaki to follow. And there was a warmth there that no one seemed to talk about. He was gentle and soft spoken, and his presence practically demanded that Tamaki turn into his side and accept a brotherly embrace. 

“You know,” Tamaki fiddled with his thumbs, “if I ever had a big brother… I would hope he would be like you. You’d make a good big brother.” 

Ryunosuke huffed a humorless laugh, tentatively brushing his hand over the top of Tamaki’s head; “You think so?” 

“Yeah…” When Ryunosuke didn’t pull away, Tamaki pressed up into the touch, his mouth twitching at the corners. “Yeah I think so, Kujo-san.” 

“You can call me ‘Ryuu.’ Everyone I care about does.” 

“Alright then… Ryuu-aniki.” 

~~~

Tenn shouldn’t have been surprised things happened the way they did. The way they cornered President Yaotome in his office might as well have been a mafia shakedown. Tenn got to play with scissors, he got to witness President Yaotome melting down like kakigori in July, and he got to see the most interesting shade of red blotch out Gaku’s face. All in all, combined with his talk with Riku… it was a good night. 

And then, something miraculous happened. 

As soon as Yaotome  _ threatened _ the mere idea of disowning Gaku over this situation, Ryuu stomped around the side of the desk, grabbed the company president-- _ their boss _ \--by his very expensive collar, and growled menacingly in his face. 

Tenn wasn’t 100% sure what was being said--was that  _ Uchinaaguchi? _ \--but judging by the way all color drained from Yaotome, it was probably terrifying. As if coming back to himself, Ryuu deposited the president back in his chair and carefully adjusted his expensive denim jacket. 

“Ah… sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry. “Please excuse me.” 

There was a triumphant sort of smirk on Ryuu’s face, and not for the first time, Tenn felt connected with his group in a totally new way. He resisted the urge to give Ryuu a high five in the moment, but he made a mental note to give him one later.

Yeah, it was a good night. Moreover, TRIGGER was changing in the very, very best way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell this is my absolute favorite part of season 1? Because it is... Okinawan Gangster Ryuu is my everything...


End file.
